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Married to crazy
Everybody’s heard the proverb about the frog in the pot of boiling water, but to live it is something else. And to live it within your own marriage- that’s hell on earth. When your marriage has gone really bad, home is no longer home. You spend your days walking on eggshells trying to avoid yet another fight.
Even the best marriage can slowly descend into madness. If you’re not careful, the resentments from over the years start stacking up, and unless you both are committed to daily forgiveness, soon even the smallest provocation will bring a hailstorm of animosity. The seed of bitterness and an unforgiving heart can destroy even the sweetest love.“It’s normal for married couples to argue,” people say. Is it really? In truth, happy, healthy couples may disagree but they don’t regularly shout and argue with each other. If outright marital fighting has become a weekly (or more) feature of life, you need to reassess what you are doing staying married when your relationship is the source of so much contention.
Living with the stress of constant marital fighting isn’t just bad for your mental health, your body suffers too from cortisol dysregulation- meaning you might experience weight gain, high blood pressure, or other physical side effects from your bad marriage.
Things that will doom a marriage
- A lack of forgiveness. Are you or your spouse still bringing up grievances from years past? If either of you can’t let things truly go- you will never have a happy marriage.
- Mismatched ambitions. Is one of you striving for more while the other one wants to kick back and relax? Prepare to resent each other unless a compromise can be found.
- Alcohol and substance abuse.
Separation and divorce can bring freedom, rebirth, and renewal
So much is said about the downsides of divorce, so we must not forget the blessing that separation and divorce can be to someone in a truly unhappy relationship. Removing yourself from a bad marriage can bring incredible joy, rebirth, and renewal.
If you are with someone who you find yourself fighting with regularly with no end in sight, you really ought to consider ending things. PEACE IS PRICELESS. If you don’t have peace at home, what do you even have? And if you have children, there is so much more reason to end it. Children raised amongst constant arguing and bickering are likely to experience lifelong mental health issues including CPTSD.
People who hesitate to divorce for financial or standard of living reasons might be making the most foolish decision of their life. In truth, you’re better off eating milk and cereal and living in a studio apartment with a mattress on the floor than eating steak in a posh luxury highrise with a bitter, argumentative, angry spouse.
At the end, who cares about living in a fancy house if your domestic life is miserable? You will never get back the years you lost to a truly unhappy marriage.
Do you have a divorce or family law question?
Call our office today at 949-889-1227. We specialize in helping clients who have divorce and family law matters complicated by narcissism, bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. John A. Bledsoe is Orange County’s premier divorce attorney and a certified family law specialist. Our firm offers a confidential initial case evaluation. to learn more.
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