Navigating Child Custody Disputes with a Narcissistic Ex-Spouse in Orange County

What Is Narcissism, and Can it Impact My Divorce or Child Custody?

Almost everyone, at times, is self-centered. But if a person’s sense of self is so delicate and enhanced that it affects their ability to maintain relationships with friends, family, and spouses, they could have a recognized disorder known as narcissism.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, a person with “narcissistic personality disorder” is commonly characterized using the following criteria:

• A significantly inflated sense of their self-importance.
• Ongoing fantasies of tremendous success, power, intellect, and appearance.
• They may believe they are “special” and can only associate with other “special” and gifted people.
• An immense sense of entitlement.
• They are master manipulators of other people.
• They are supremely arrogant and may lack any empathy.

Many of us, if we’re being honest, can relate to these feelings, but when these factors begin interfering with routine behavior, we may have a narcissistic personality disorder.

If your spouse fits these characteristics, then dealing with a divorce or child custody issue and the decisions that must be made becomes vastly more complicated. Your ex-spouse may not comply with the most rational choices, put things off, and much more.

Therefore, you must have an Orange County family lawyer who is experienced and has the grit and skills to deal with a narcissist and their tactics.

What is a Narcissistic Spouse Most Common Response to Child Custody?

Even after your divorce is finalized, the odd and skewed perception of a narcissistic personality can be tremendously disruptive in almost all post-divorce family dynamics. This is especially true about child custody issues and arrangements.

If you’re relatively “normal,” then after your divorce, you might constantly ask yourself, “What did I do wrong?” This question never enters the narcissist’s mind, and they will always blame you, as their former spouse, for their “failed” marriage.

If minor children are in the mix, they usually will be very susceptible to the narcissist’s outlook on your divorce and their manipulation. This often results in a condition known as “parental alienation;” the narcissistic ex-spouse will always attempt to turn their children against you by using constant disparaging remarks and inventive manipulation.

You must understand that a narcissist’s addictive craving for admiration will drive them to do almost anything to gain their child’s affection. Additionally, to a true narcissist, your divorce proceedings, custody agreement, child support, etc., are simply a game, and they must always win!

In their mind, victory over you also includes the assurance that you will lose. Therefore, simply winning their child’s love and affection will never be enough; your child must always hate or dislike you.

Your narcissistic ex-spouse is a master at finding out what your child doesn’t like about you, such as screen time restrictions, meeting with certain friends, etc., and then acting precisely in the opposite manner. They’ll manipulate tirelessly and expertly to make you look as bad as possible.

What’s most challenging to understand is that gaining your child’s love, relationship, and respect is not enough, and, at times, often, what they do is not in your child’s best interests. So, when deciding on child custody and more, your Orange County family lawyer must have the skill, experience, and sophisticated knowledge to recognize and deal effectively with your ex-spouse’s narcissistic games, manipulation, and self-serving behavior; only then will the most beneficial child custody arrangements be implemented.

What Is the Best Way to Deal with a Narcissist in a Child Custody Dispute?

Child custody issues in a divorce are usually challenging to deal with but add a narcissistic spouse into the situation, and it can be an actual nightmare. However, your skilled and well-versed family lawyer is ready and able to assist you.

Just a few of the ways to manage dealing with a narcissistic personality are:

• Always remain calm – Narcissists know how to deal with public perception and usually will do something to manipulate you and inflame your rage; they want you to lose control. If they can get you to “lose it” in front of the court, this can negatively affect you, and they win. This may not be easy, and if necessary, enlist the help of your skilled family lawyer.
• Keep detailed and thorough records – Narcissists have a skewed perception of reality, which can make their side of things and facts unreliable. Push into this weakness by keeping detailed records of documents, timelines, and facts. This will help your lawyer establish the actual truth while exposing your spouse’s warped view of reality.
• Always be honest and reasonable but assertive – Remember, a narcissist must always win, and this motivation could make them attack you with odd claims or outright lies. To counteract these actions, calmly respond with a rational interpretation, acknowledging when you’re wrong but firmly defending yourself when you’re right.
• Use empathy – Narcissists very often lack or don’t have empathy. By acting with empathy, you will draw a distinct and positive line between you and your ex-spouse in the eyes of the judge and the court.
• Always fully coordinate with your lawyer – Your highly experienced family and divorce lawyer has negotiated and dealt with far more narcissists than you. Their advice, guidance, and insight will be invaluable to preparing an effective strategy to get what’s best for you and your child.

Will Most Judges Be Aware of Narcissistic Behavior?

Family law and divorce judges are commonly familiar with this personality type and can often see through their manipulative tactics. Judges are experienced and skilled at discerning the truth from all forms of deception. They will always attempt to analyze a situation with a strictly objective and law-based view. This usually allows them to be adept at identifying the manipulative tactics inherent in narcissistic behavior.

That said, however, even if your judge recognizes narcissistic behavior, it doesn’t mean things will always go your way. The legal process is complicated and influenced by many specific factors, including your case’s unique circumstances.

Additionally, your judge may identify your spouse’s narcissistic traits and tactics but will still usually rule according to the strict covenants of California law. Therefore, to ensure your case has the best chance of going well, your lawyer must be an expert at dealing with narcissists and the myriad of other family court rules and regulations.

I Have a Narcissistic Ex-spouse but Must Finalize Child Custody; How Should I Proceed?

Child custody decisions and almost all other divorce issues are stressful, emotional, and challenging to approach. If your spouse has a narcissistic personality, it will exacerbate the situation significantly, thus making even relatively simple decisions into horrific tasks.

If you must battle a narcissist in a divorce, you must have the strength of will and knowledge to do so effectively.

The family lawyers at The Bledsoe Law Firm, LLC are experts in dealing with the difficulties, attempted manipulation, and undermining tactics used by a narcissistic spouse. They will work with you both empathetically and strategically to overcome the narcissist’s tactics and fight tirelessly for you and your child.

Call them today at 949-889-1227 to obtain a consultation on your unique case and have the peace of mind and professional representation needed to overcome this additional obstacle and move on positively with your life.